69 - Do you Spiral out or up? Read first.

I say read first as this is the most important of all my writings and is what I would like to leave behind as my legacy. My life's work and and gift to the world and my children. So, spoiler alert, this is the point of the book, the part I want you to know and absorb and you don't need to read the rest.

Build your own 69 community.

How and why will all come into place.

As I was joining and dropping out of clubs, groups and communities sometimes faster than I realize myself what just happened, I came to a realization that I was learning from each of these organizations and leaders, what worked and what didn't, what was at the core of these groups, did they have other motives and were they taking care of their people.

Time and again I saw into the souls of these groups that have gotten too lost from their original values or too big to even notice thieve gone astray.

I was learning I had my own club to promote, my own mission of community that would take the best from each world. What I've learned from being a part of these groups even for the shortest of times is the positive they all have, they all can contribute to making an improved and better place for my children and others too, a better network, a better group of people that surrounds you and knows you're there, better socials that know what you need not because a robot searched your shopping but because your friends were there. When you are sick or down there is someone who can help you, even with just a kind word of support. A community that would benefit each and every one of us. And of course we could make an app for that.

It all started with the number 69.

This number symbolized for me perfect harmony, yin and yang, two parts supporting each other and perfect in every direction. I wrote a poem.

I realized I was in a bad relationship when I tried to show the 69 paradox to my partner, who insisted he had a 6 and I had a 9 and nothing would change his mind. In fact, I probably wrote that to humiliate him.

I suddenly felt very isolated in my own family, my kids were growing up into their own humans or dragons or hybrids and were doing fine without me. My partner was busy telling everyone behind my back that I've lost my mind and truly, I had. After 25 years of marriage and raising children I had accumulated knowledge about families and communities and mental health that I was not able to share because I was discredited, as a good mother, as a good wife and as a good daughter. That's when I felt like the odd man out of my own family.

I needed to surround myself with more positivity, more communication, more understanding of both sides, more optimism. Don't make assumptions and don't take it personally and don't lay blame when we make mistakes.

I had tried to share my enthusiasm for the number but immediately realized my very first task would be to rid the number of its sexual only connotation. I then would be able to share the number as the perfect temperature, number of seconds on the microwave and the perfect size for a community of friends. A group of friends that revolved around you and the people you are willing to do stuff for and are willing to do stuff for you.

When life events happen and something you just didn't expect hits you in the face, you didn't expect it, you didn't plan for it, you don't know what to do. Do you spiral out of control or do you spiral up? (Pull yourself up by your boot straps)

I think we all know what spiral out of control means for each of us. We lose confidence in ourselves, in our goals, in our ability to reach our dreams. We just lose it. But how does one spiral up and is it different?

When I was in my depression I likened it to being at the bottom of a well, some days I would look up and see the sunshine or clouds but still had no idea how I was going to get up there.

Spiral up means you have a well meaning (pun intended), supporting and loving circle around you that will help you, motivate you and lift you when you are down or need help. Think a brick staircase popping out of the walls of the well to help you up, each brick just a little help up from a friend.

This is the cult of YOU, these are people who are supportive of you, love you and are invested in your success.

If you have around you those who are not even willing to give you one step up, stay away, they might be the ones who stick a leg out when others are trying to help you up and make you fall all the way down again just to show it was always your destiny to be down there.

We hear about the importance of community, in raising a child, in being mentally supported as a parent or educator, but the options we are offered are getting shallower and they disperse the minute we need them the most, making the excuse, "we really didn't know him that well" said his 900 friends on Facebook.

Compare a hot springs with 6 of your best friends to a swimming pool in china.

When asked the question, who are your 69 closest friends most say they done even have 6.

So that's it, that's my message, my legacy, my gift to you and my kids. The lesson I've leaned about the communities I've joined and got kicked out of or left.

Think of your 69.

Build a community around you, of no more than 69 people, for you and buy you, pick your best friend to be your leader and only keep good friends around, not like minded friends, but love minded and they all love you so you are never the odd man out.