4 - Rogue fest

I was recently invited by a neighboring community into their "home" away from home.

The original event was canceled due to the plague so a small group of hard core, quality people, were going to make it happen anyway. This was their home, their family, "we don't miss a family reunion", and they showed up.

But coordinates and a port o potty do not an event make, and some would say I have some knowledge on the subject, expectations and guidelines are important not just for safety but for everyone's enjoyment.

This was a community of many beautiful creatures inside and out, with an excellent choice of selected alternative values.

The location was beautiful thanks to nature and the little human damage that was visible was deemed inevitable by the "organizers".

This is a story about the importance of values. My own evaluation as to the source of the value conflict is loyalty vs respect.

The values I have chosen as my top priority and most important before others are communications with honesty and respect.

Joining the royal transport were the court jester and the princess and after a majestic drive thru the vast country these creatures call home we arrived at the disclosed coordinates. A rogue volunteer helped us park the mobile palace. Our friend, the pirate, who invite us and said he would be with the set up crew, had not yet arrived, declining a ride from us earlier.

I met the pirate two years ago at another event, he had gotten intoxicated there and pissed off some people but I was a guest there too and thought nothing of it at the time, a little too jolly of a man, let him take it out here and not at home. I regret not having the knowledge then as I do now, this was home, and this behavior was not only bad for the pirate but also disrupting and offensive to others.

In the past, the pirate came on many visits to the palace, volunteering to mow the lawn or clear a trail to "chill" away from his "real life" and relax. We were happy to have his company and usually left him to his lonely drinking late at night.

The pirate arrived at the event finally before dusk and went into a frenzy of setting up his quarters just outside the palace door. When the princess and jester tried to assist, they were met with a barrage of swearing and yelling sending them to hide in the tower only to continue hearing yelling and complaints how ,now, they are not helping. We decided to stay away and let the pirate settle in. We collected the goods we brought to share and ventured off to meet the locals. Welcoming smiles and generous hospitality were all around, offers of refreshments and beautiful displays of goods and services.

Having left "normal life" and escaped to the "real" world, an opportunity to finally take 'the edge of' using substances was well under way for many of the participants. These substances have affected the pirate and some of his associates before, and often lead to this kind of behavior. It is almost impossible to communicate at all with one under an influence, almost impossible to convince them they are under the influence and almost impossible to guide their behavior. In some cases they will even accuse you of being the one who's crazy or impaired.

When I came back for a little break in the mobile palace, the pirate was on the throne (drivers seat) yelling out commands, being rude, loud and obnoxious again. I asked him to leave our quarters, he refused, saying he is the boss and he gets to give the orders. When he finally left he said it was because he was assaulted, he was not, and that we are the ones who were intoxicated, we were not. His behavior seemed to suggest he owned us in some way for inviting us.

The pirates rude, loud and obnoxious behavior outside his tent went on throughout the night and into morning. A car alarm going off in the distance seemed to trigger him into fits of rage, but not enough to actually do anything about it. When we asked him again to stop yelling he said we were waking him up, an accusation he has made before when found sleeping in the rain under a tarp at an event he was supposed to be in charge of.

I think at some point that morning I realized why I didn't feel like I belonged.

There is a strong sense of US vs THEM, and I was still THEM at least until recently for US. If I've always belonged why didn't anyone try to find me? Why was I excluded up to now? Why did it take so long to invite me when I found you?

The pirate on the other hand was very much team US and this was his turf and his people.

After additional unpleasant interactions few pleasant farewells we decided to leave the event and head back home, but not before we were left with a solid threat he would come back and kill at least one of us back at our home.

After I arriving home I continued to be harassed, now by text, received multiple messages but no apology.

Later I received additional messages repeating the wrongful accusations and threats from other friends who didn't even ask our side of the story.

I feel compelled to write something about this incident because I do love this pirate and I do love these free spirited and loving communities I have met, and as bad as current rules and regulations and policing are in the "real world" having no consequences or accountability is a detriment to this community in the future. As a service to this lovely community who took me in and invited me to their home I do not go silently and quietly but state my opinion for the future.

First and foremost, I would like to acknowledge the people that noticed the harassments and made a safe space for us away from this person until we left, whether just chatting with us or inviting us into your space, we felt welcome. You are the best.

I'm happy that our pirate has such a lovely community around him, a group of friends he can call family, that are loyal to each other perhaps beyond all other values.

I hope the friends and community of this pirate will be there for him in the future in helping him develop and grow out of this stage into a wonderful creature, who knows how to communicate with respect and honesty, who is not afraid to apologize when he is wrong, who knows his value to the community making him a valuable member.

To all the communities that are bringing creatures together these days, please consider those other safety issues that existed even before the plague, planning does not end with the delivery of port o potties. Who is in charge? Who knows who is here? What are the rules? Who knows what is available and where to find it? Is there a cleaning crew before and after? Don't set the stage for harassments and bullying to go unnoticed.

Here is what I expect of a community when an incident of harassment or bullying take place. The harasser is taken aside to a safe space until they are calm, they should be told what they're doing wrong and they should be watched not to do it again.

The harassed should get attention, checked on at the time and later on as well.

I understand people are stressed and searching for anxiety relief, but this should not come at the expense of others.

Your vibrations should not negatively affect my vibrations.

There is no us and them, but every one, and each one of us needs love, attention and care. Lets be there for each other and not against each other.

Love Alex.